A couple of months ago I was doing one of those self improvement workbook things and I was asked to consider my experiences with ‘bliss’.
I wasn’t actually sure that I had ever experienced bliss. I considered that potentially, the moment of and directly after orgasm might be ‘bliss’ but somehow that didn’t seem to be quite it.
I asked a couple of friends if they had ever experienced bliss. Neither answer brought me closer to identifying any ‘bliss’ in my experience.
Well, I’m here to say that I think I have now experienced bliss…. and happiness and profound sadness and grief and hurt and heartache and excitement and gratitude and anger and … and … and …
Over the past couple of months and, most especially the past few weeks all of my long lost feelings have made their way to my consciousness… bursting in, knocking me around, kicking me when I was down and then lifting me up to the sky again, sun shining on my face, brilliant shining stars on a black sky, indescribable sunsets of emotions.
I thought they were gone.
I really truly thought that I had washed them away with some long ago shed tears and that I would never feel them again …but I was wrong.
Some gracious spirit saw fit to bring them back – and the rush was .. well.. a rush.
In countable hours I had moments of feeling everything… in relatively small doses I admit… but the best part, the absolute AMAZING part was that I woke today, the sun was shining and although I had been worried that experiencing the more unpleasant of them would bring my little wall builders scurrying … it seems clear that they have vacated the premises. Hopefully permanently.
I missed “feeling”. Even the bad stuff.
I hadn’t even considered that I was missing the good stuff too! I was “happy enough” but I had a few moments of real bliss in the past couple of weeks… I know I did.. I recognized it… and it was… well… blissful.
I’m happier today than I have been in ever, it’s not bliss today, it’s just happy… I have found myself again and maybe I’m even better than the old version… and I think maybe a little bit different … and that’s okay.
I wonder if my friends will recognize me with my happy on.