I was recently asked… “What happened to “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, etc.? Commitment doesn’t end just because things aren’t so rosy any more”.
For 25 years we have had a ‘creed’ I guess…. for lack of a better word – we agreed before we were married that neither of us would ever threaten the other that we would leave unless we meant it. The bottom line is, if you say it, you’d better have your bags packed.
The intention was to never be one of those couples that is always leaving and then coming back and trial separations etc. because we felt that people give up on things too easily.
I still believe that people not only give up on things too easily, but that they rush into them to quickly to begin with. All along I have looked at this marriage as a ‘until death do you part’ commitment and I know he has too.
However, “things aren’t so rosy any more” really doesn’t apply, at least it doesn’t right now. We have had lots of ‘not rosy’ thisisn’t the hardest thing we have faced as a couple – ‘things’ are still pretty good. No one is sick or dying, no one is broke, no one is having an affair – there is no crisis. Well, me not being in love any more is a crisis but there is not event happening to make me feel that way.
Together we have faced infertility and unsuccessful treatments, adoption x 4 – one of them a failed adoption, illness and death of family members x 3, illness and death of parents x 2 (both mine), debilitating car accident, unemployment, financial crisis (many), cancer and treatments (mine)… these are just the biggies. So yeah, there have been times that life was not “rosy” and we faced those times together – in good times and in bad and all of that.
I am open (and would be happy) to finding a way to stay together – the only thing I ask is that we live in some semblance of peace. We don’t have to be having a good ol’ time all the time but there can’t be hostility all the time either.
…. and I’m still hoping that it could happen – I just wish I knew how to make it happen.
However, I certainly am not doing him any favors either – staying married because ‘I promised’. To honor the commitment without the feeling is, in my opinion, the epitome of betrayal.
In making a decision to stay because “I promised”, am I not robbing him of the potential of finding someone who is “in love” with him again? He can’t truly be happy either, I am NOT that great of an actress!
However, My marriage is a very tiny part of the re-inventing myself plan. My focus is on my mind body and soul, I am practicing meditation, exploring my spirituality, taking care of my health and trying to spend more time doing things I’m passionate about (and finding out what those things are) into my life.
I am currently working on the premise that if I work on my own self – I can become the person I want to be and if I am then at a place of peace with myself and achieve some level of inner happiness then I will be better able to handle things that make my hair stand on end now and even find a way to be happy ‘together’ again.