Dear Self – Yesterday was a 3 (was private)

Dear Self, Late last night we decided to take the Red Pill… or was it the Blue Pill?? I’m not really sure. If the Red Pill helps you embrace painful reality and work through it and the Blue Pill lets you continue to live in ignorant bliss…. what is an anti-depressant?  Let’s go with its a Red Pill … and lets say there was no Blue Pill Option. Yesterday was a THREE. The scale is 0 – 10 with ZERO being suicidal and TEN being Bliss.  Each notch is HUGE so while 3 sounds really REALLY bad… in the grand scheme of things it’s not that bad – being an optimist, I see it as being 7 away from Bliss rather than 3 away from Dead.  Well.. maybe I’m the only one that sees that as a good thing. So the new thing is that I’m going to journal/blog every day – yeah, I know, I’ve said that before… So for now, one is private – another public. In the journal/blog I’m going to rate the day – Today is a 4.. I was going to call it a 5 but then I remembered that each notch is so HUGE that this couldn’t really be THAT much better than the three of yesterday… not THAT much closer to Bliss.  So it’s a 4 And Three things I’m grateful for… 1.  My big kid that tells me when he appreciates something I’ve done. 2. My work in that it’s flexible and comfortable but also challenging enough to give me a sense of accomplishment doing it. 3. My appetite has not gone crazy today – no need to pig out.. no starvation. Time to go take the Red Pill.

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