I completed my very first meditation last night.
I figured it was time.
The last 10 days has been stressed to the max and that’s not even including the normal stress of Christmas and the holidays. Yesterday I experienced what I believe to be a ‘anxiety attack‘ or ‘panic attack‘.
I have had a few of these before and they aren’t pretty – terrifying would be a word I’d use to describe the whole experience. Especially the first time.
If you Google the symptoms – racing heart, shortness of breath, dizzy – feeling like you are going to pass out, break out in a sweat – chances are you’ll find you are having a heart attack – or a panic attack. It’s a good thing that there is no possible way that during one of these episodes you are going to be Googling anything.
The ton of bricks hit me and I had enough in me to tell my son he would have to walk to the bus because I was suddenly not feeling well and stumbled up the stairs. My younger daughter was still getting ready for school and I asked her to wake me when she got out of the shower – then again when she was ready for school. I’m not sure that it was a good thing that they didn’t get freaked out – what if I had been having a heart attack – this not too minor point is running through my head as I’m laying on my bed doing Lamaze style breathing.
In a very few minutes everything returned to normal and I was just feeling tired so I dozed for an hour and then when my daughter woke me again I got up and did a status check – all seemed good. I waited a few minutes and went to work. No more episodes the rest of the day but I did have an ongoing problem focusing. I believe I was tired.
I have found in my vast experience with anxiety attacks (I’ve had 3 now) that the cause is probably not what you are doing immediately before the attack but probably (and yes, I am surmising, speculating, theorizing without benefit of a medical degree or even any real research) that this is your body’s way of hitting you with a stick or slapping you in the face much like is depicted in movies and television when one is slapped to “bring them to their senses“.
My body and brain had been telling me that I was overwhelmed. I felt tired, cranky, even downright hostile. I was waking in the middle of the night thinking about work. I was having headaches and yet I ignored all this with the plan that things would settle. B&B (body and brain) decided waiting was not an option and together they ‘took me down’.
So instead of listening to my usual David Wood or Dean Dwyermotivational pod casts on my way to and from work yesterday – I decided meditation was required and I shifted gears. (you can read about my initial meditation experience here)