My Boggled Mind

Forbes came up with a list of the quietest places in the world.  Many of which I will never see but, there were a few that didn’t make the list.

• My back yard on a fall evening
• Darlington provincial park mid week in September
• My car with the radio off  and no traffic
• When all my kids are asleep – in my house
• Bon Echo
• Algonquin
• My deck in the early morning

The older I get the more quiet I seem to need.  I don’t have any trouble finding it – just the time to enjoy it.

My guess is that there will come a time that quiet is the last thing I’ll want – but for now, when I get the opportunity – silence is golden.

School Council.   MacGillivray School Council is like Hotel California.  “You can check in any time you like but you can never leave…”

I went to a meeting last night and what a shock.  It’s the same crock that it was last year and every other year.  You know that old adage about people who do the  same thing over and over and expect different results.  Ya, well if the shoe fits.

I was only awake through the first half of the meeting due to the challenge of trying to figure out the method to the madness of the order of the meeting.  Willy-Nilly is an understatement.

A meeting that’s open to everyone but doesn’t distribute so much as an agenda so people can follow along – how welcoming.  What I want to know is;

• How do you spend money before you know how much money you have? 
• Why do you make commitments to do things in a certain way without exploring other options?
• How is a smart board in a music room without a teacher that can use it better than a tuba in a music room without a music teacher?  Neither of which is the case by the way but apparently we’d rather spend a thousand dollars and have nothing at the end than even entertain another scenario.  (this is the rational for renting vs. buying instruments but buying and installing the smart board)
• Why are Grant applications are committed to without there being a committee formed to do the follow through?
• Why are Committees are formed without goals being set?
• What IS this council going to do this year – aside from review the rules again?

The “moment” in the meeting came finally as the time for adjournment was coming near.  The topic of students doing their own fund raising for grade 6 and grade 8 school trips made a giant thud as it hit the table and without even a second bounce,that whole concept was backhanded  into never never land with such finesse that the rest of the council (save one or two perhaps) seemed oblivious to the fact that what had just happened was that the principal of the school had relayed a message from parents of students at the school that they wanted to fund-raise for their expensive trips and the school council flatly refused to let them.

The problem is… the problem has always been…  there are just too many people there with ulterior motives. 

I could learn to live with that – if the result is the same regardless of the motivation, who cares? 

I have had it with the council. 

In the mean time I’m going to try and grow as a person and find something more worthwhile to occupy my time than………….

 There – I’ve already grown as a person.  I didn’t say what was on my mind.

In a couple of hours the MacGillivray School Council AGM will be getting started and I wont be there for the first time. Ever.

I think this is how a person who has decided to voluntarily have their jaw wired shut with a goal to loose weight would feel in the waiting room.

I’ve had experiences with addiction.  Smoking and food have been my vices and I’ve both tried and succeeded and tried and failed to kick both of those habits more than once in my lifetime.   My father was an alcoholic and it killed him.

For me, MacGillivray School Council is as Toxic as alcohol was for my father.

Like any other ‘drug’ it starts off seeming harmless, if not even “good for you”.  You get ‘high’ on participating, helping, contributing.  As the council accomplishments grow, the feeling of being on a successful team grows and there’s just something that makes you stand a little taller.

Sounds great doesn’t it?  And, there are people who can and do and participate and contribute year after year with no ill side effects, and there are, I’m sure, school councils that are all of that and only that.

But with MacGillivray it’s like the Listeria in the hot dog; the nut in the nut free lunch, the alcohol in the punch…. its that one thing that turns something perfectly innocuous for most people into something absolutely toxic.

That ingredient, that extra something adds conflict, competition, drama, anger, frustration, tension, and malice to the mix. For some – it’s just too unpleasant and they easily and simply remove themselves from the situation.  For others, like me, it becomes challenging and interesting.  The drama gets my adrenaline pumping.

At first, the rock at the pit of your gut you feel as the time for the meeting gets nearer is uncomfortable.  But, if you’re like me, you try to work through it as an exercise in personal growth… you face it like a challenge that in overcoming, will make you stronger and add to your character.

Before long, that feeling is just a part of it and it’s ‘normal’ that every meeting is a debate, a battle of wits, an age old game of good vs. evil (my side of course being ‘good’).

You laugh.  I know it. But this isn’t all in my mind.  The entire council gets wrapped up in it and becomes divided into sides – us and them and then productivity gets stuck in the crossfire.

It’s easy in hindsight to say that stepping away would be better for everyone.  But, like 4 year old children, neither side is willing to let the other ‘win’.  Exploring the psychological reasons for that would take a couple more posts… or a couple more years.

Ha!  With all my free time not on the council – I should be able to figure that out in no time.

So here I sit – in about an hour people will be heading in to the Library.

I’m not going back because it’s not good for me.

I’m not going back because it’s not good for the council.

I’m not going back because I am unable to have a cigarette in my hand and not light it, pie in the kitchen and not eat it

Give me the strength to accept the things I can not change.  I can go back to the council at some point.   In the mean time, I’ll look at this as a character building excersise.  Another Road on my life journey.